


Numb

by timmyyturnerr



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/M, High School, High School AU, M/M, Suicide Attempt, alright well, also thor would make the worst girl, at this point i just honestly like tagging things and i dont want to stop, becuase fuck you, but not really, fuck yeah, genderbent, genderbent au, i'm not even sure why i added that into the story, idk but don't expect this to be updated, in which everyone besides loki and thor and steve are genderbent, it was unnecisary, like crack except less awful, probably bad writing, tallyho, there were too many girls, they're sort of superheroes, this is an addiction, wow this is sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-03
Updated: 2013-06-13
Packaged: 2017-11-28 00:31:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/668230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timmyyturnerr/pseuds/timmyyturnerr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Toni Stark has been broken more times than she can remember. She doesn't trust anyone, she sleeps with anything with a pulse, and when she finally opens up and dates Loki Laufeyson, he shatters her. Steve Rogers sees right through her, and all he wants to do is fix her.<br/>He soon realizes it might be harder than he thought it would be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Natasha Stark shot up in bed, in a cold sweat, her heart beating violently to her arc reactor. JARVIS had woke her with some kind of screaming noise of an animal. When she glanced to the clock beside her, it read five A.M.

“JARVIS, what the hell, you know I don’t wake up until six.” She muttered.

“Yes, ma’am, but it seemed that you were screaming in your sleep and I thought it to be a wise decision to wake you.” JARVIS replied.   
Natasha groaned, throwing her thick expensive (and sweat-stained) blankets and sheets away from her, wondering why Pepper hadn’t come to her rescue for this like he had for the last two days. But she sighed as she thought this. He’d probably taken refuge in the finished basement so he would get a good night sleep.   
Natasha dragged her tired body to the huge bathroom, letting the bathtub begin to fill up (with bubbles) and rolled her neck around. She hated mornings, simple as that. Looking in the mirror and picking up her toothbrush, all she saw in her reflection was the arc reactor, shining bright and blue and tacky in between her boobs. Her boobs, in which puberty had worked so hard to make perfect and perky, now only to be hidden by her metal burden that was necessary on account of Natasha liked living.

In the mirror, if she was to actually look at her face, she’d see a tan-skinned black haired goddess. Okay, maybe the only people in this town eligible for literacy for that statement would be Thor and Loki, but. It was simple as that, along with the perfect body Natasha was beautiful. And until she had a huge chunk of glow-in-the-dark, Natasha had no idea what the definition of the word “insecurity” meant.  
Wearily, wiping off her forehead and spiting her toothpaste spit into the sink, Natasha stripped off her pajamas (a shirt she’d stolen from Pepper featuring his cologne and some boy short panties) and threw them in the nearest bin, not caring weather it had been a trash can or a laundry bin. She slid a manicured foot into the boiling hot bath water (just like she liked it. Natasha was sure that if you had to gross yourself out by bathing in your own dirt, you might as well make the water so hot it feels like it’s frying off the top layer of your skin) followed by a shiny waxed leg and then some thighs followed by her torso. She sunk her head under the bubbles, breathing out.

At least the arc reactor is waterproof, Natasha thought.

And then, someone walked right into her bathroom.

Natasha’s head shot up through the water, covering her boobs immediately (not like that wasn’t taken care of thanks to the trillion mountains of bubbles) and blinking a few times to see no other than patriotic Steve Rogers barging right in, wide awake, bright eyed and bushy tailed. His blonde hair combed into place, though a little messy at the top, wearing a red white and blue button-down (the irony was almost eating away at her very soul) with blue shorts and blue high tops.  
Before he could say something, Natasha screamed at him.

“What is wrong with you, you patriotic mother fucker!” she shrieked.

“I’m sorry, I heard you screaming!” Steve yelled back, covering his eyes. Natasha already knew that any other guy would be sneaking any peeks he could at this point, but not Mr. Virgin Steven, no, Steve would cover his eyes like Natasha was some kind of fair lady who had to be courted or something.

“YOU DON’T EVEN LIVE HERE!” She yelled back. Only Pepper lived with Natasha. Pepper, who had these great parents who lived a few blocks away and had Officially Moved In with Natasha back in the days when she’d been kidnapped and had a huge metal thing stuffed between her boobs. Pepper, who was sassy and lovely and dealt with Natasha’s caffeine addiction. There was also the nightmare problem, and the I Don’t Eat Much Not Because I Hate Food Because Food Is Literally The Best Thing On The Planet But I Don’t Eat Much Because I Work Until Four In The Morning Most Nights problem.

“I know, Director Fury got me to come and make you breakfast because you’ve been late two days in a row and I was supposed to come wake you up!” Steve said, still shielding his eyes.

“Okay! Well please leave my bathroom while I finish doing what I’m doing here!” Natasha yelled, and Steve did what he was told without another word said, even shutting the door behind him.

As soon as his footsteps faded down the hall, Natasha sighed, letting herself sink into the water, letting the boiling water sooth and basically un-hinge her muscles. Then, she snapped back to reality, washed herself and shampooed her hair. She rinsed, turned on the shower for a second and got off all her own dirt water, and dried off. Then, she wrapped herself in a robe and her hair in a towel, slipped on her expensive slippers, and made her way down to the kitchen.  
She smelled coffee, and she was right, but still surprised to see Steve had set out an entire breakfast buffet. Pepper, all ginger and muscled, nodded at Natasha, looking chipper to have had his good eight hours of shut eye. Natasha smiled at him, the smile ending up more as a grimace, and slid onto the chair. There was already a coffee cup sitting there, with too much sugar and a lot of sugary creamer (just like Natasha liked it, no matter how unhealthy) and took a long sip.

“Sorry I tried to relax for ten seconds.” Natasha said.

“Your entire life is literally built off of relaxation,” Pepper replied breezily, not even caring enough to look up from his newspaper, the nerve.

“Well I wasn’t aware that I am now, quite literally, surrounded by men. Do you understand that? Everywhere I go, it’s like there’s a penis in my face.” Natasha said. 

“As I recall,” Steve said from the stove while making scrambled eggs, “I was fully clothed when I walked in on you naked in the bath tub.” 

Natasha rolled her eyes and looked at Pepper.  
“Mr. Potts?” Natasha began. She heard Pepper breath a here we go, before talking.

“Miss Stark?” Pepper replied, in his best faux businessman voice.

“Remember that time I became pretty intoxicated and I described to you, in detail, my entire sex life from Virginity Lost to Virginity Cards I’ve Swiped?” Natasha said.

“Yes, but I’m actually more surprised you remember that,” Pepper said.

“JARVIS records all of my drunken rants to make sure I didn’t expose anything super important. Anyway, do you think that Mr. Rogers wants me to repeat that entire conversation to him?” Natasha asked.

“I don’t think so,” Pepper responded, smiling to himself.

“In conclusion, Mr. Rogers, I do indeed have many, many penises in my face. A lot of the time. Sometimes during situations when I don’t want them there. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go get ready so I can look as Stark as I ever will,” and with that, Natasha picked up her coffee cup and walked off.

“Oh, and thanks for the coffee,” Natasha said


	2. Chapter 2

“I hate your driving,” Steve muttered from the back seat. He, Pepper and Natasha were sitting in one of Natasha’s fancier cars, she driving. Pepper was completely used to it, his face buried in a Literature book. He looked so proper, wrapped up in his sweater and expensive looking jacket. 

“Why are you wearing Chuck Taylors?” Pepper suddenly asked Natasha, who was not only wearing Chuck Taylors but short, studded shorts and one of Loki’s hoodies she’d borrowed and failed to return.  
“If you have great legs, which I do,” Natasha replied, smirking as she spoke, “You wear Chuck Taylors. Also, Pepper, don’t be the fashion police. You wear business suits to school every day.” 

“I am the Class President.” Pepper protested.

“Why are you wearing Loki’s hoodie?” Steve asked suddenly from beside Natasha.

“Care to explain, Pepper?” she offered.

“Because, since Toni and Loki are in a kind of relationship, they do stuff together. Stuff I am usually left cleaning up.” Pepper said.

“I still don’t understand.” Said Steve, who really didn’t.

“Okay, well let me just say that Loki does this great thing in bed in which he lets you wear his clothes- like that ridiculous horn thing of his- and such. So, this is supposed to represent something.” Toni said, smiling in the corner of her mouth. Steve, who still visibly did not understand, was about to ask before Toni interrupted him. “You’ll see. Pepper will explain it to you once we get there.”

Toni was nearly vibrating in her seat. Thor and Loki had gone off to Asgard for the last two weeks, and she’d missed Loki. He spoiled her, gladly held his arm around her walking down the hallway, and they had some awesome sex. Not like she couldn’t get this from anyone, but she was glad that she had it from someone who she wanted it from. Someone who had wanted her as much as she’d wanted him, not a guy begging to take her out for a night with only intentions of getting in Toni’s pants. Boyfriend and girlfriend, a concept Toni had been unable to grasp since her fling with Pep.

And they pulled up to SHIELD High School, through the parking lot and back to the corner where the eight friends always parked to hang out (and possibly make plans to skip school) before classes started. Toni pulled her car up, looking eagerly at the group of her friends who had already circled around their cars, and as soon as she got out she was wrapped in his cool arms.

“I missed you,” Loki breathed. She smiled at her gorgeous boyfriend, pulling her sunglasses off of her face and tossing them into her open car window and wrapping her arms around his neck tightly. Her Norse God boyfriend looked nearly edible, his black hair curling at the tips and his green eyes sparkling. “I missed you more,” Toni said, but she wasn’t one for puppy dog back and fourth arguments, and so she raised up on her tip toes and kissed him softly on the lips. Almost immediately his hands squeezed around her hips and she was pinned up against her car, her legs wrapped around his waist. Loki stopped kissing her and began working on her neck, and instead of closing her eyes and moaning (as much as she wanted to do it then) she looked at her friends. Pepper walking up to Nathan Romanoff and kissing him, the cuties. Agent, her hair pulled into a ponytail looking blushy as Claire Barton wrapped an arm around her. Thor and Jack were arm in arm, and basically it was adorable.

Tony then allowed herself to roll her head back and moan. And then she looked at Loki, kissed him for the sole purpose of biting his lip, and began kissing his neck. After a few kisses and biting down once or twice, she whispered, “I have a free period today.”

“When?” Loki whispered back. Toni smirked.

“All day. And you have it with me. Skip school with me and we can catch up back at my house with food and movies.” And some Norse God sex, Toni internally suggested.

“We’re skipping school,” Loki announced to the group.

“But brother! We have been absent from this place for two weeks, we need catching up, do we not?” Thor boomed in the quietest way a Norse God of Thunder could.

“I have catching up to do with this fine woman,” Loki said, and Natasha giggled, and winked at a disappointed looking Pepper. With that, Loki hopped in the passenger’s seat and Natasha threw her sunglasses back on before driving away swiftly, through the back so no teachers would see.

“Why did I make myself look this good if I’m just going to go home and change into sweats and watch movies with you?” Toni asked, sneaking a glance at Loki, who was being sexy and adorable and had pulled a leg up to his chest, which he was currently holding with the other leg.

“I must admit, you do look stunning. Even if you are wearing my hoodie.” Loki smirked, and Toni smirked too. She found herself grinning ear-to-ear as Loki pulled up the center console and snaked an arm around her waist. If this wasn’t happy, Natasha didn’t know what happy was. Yes, Natasha basically bathes in her own misery twenty four seven, but Loki made her happy. Loki and alcohol. 

And so they drove, and Natasha put her car where it belonged. And they walked into her enormous and empty house. “We can make popcorn,” Toni suggested, but she walked toward him, settling at a spot very close to him. She played with the buttons on his shirt. “And pick out a movie,” she continued, “or we could do something else.” 

“You just read my mind,” Loki said, leaning in very slowly.

“Which part, the popcorn and movie or the Do Something Else?” Natasha whispered.

Loki answered her by ripping her from the ground she stood on and holding her by the legs while she dangled from his shoulders, and he began looking for the nearest guest bedroom. Natasha, used to this being one of the many ways Loki seduced her, simply smiled to herself and grabbed Loki’s butt, hard. She would’ve dug her nails in, but she didn’t have any, unfortunately. Stress does that to you.

Also, being Toni Stark does that to you.

So, Loki found the nearest guest bedroom and dropped Natasha on the bed, her hair messy and herself looking flustered and kind of turned on. Loki’s facial expression had changed, and it was Natasha’s favorite, the one where she knew she was in for some serious Norse God sex.

“Take your shorts off,” Loki decided, him taking her place on the bed as she stood up. Natasha smiled at him, her best crooked smile, and ran her fingers through her hair, which she knew he loved. She kicked off her shoes and socks, slowly as to annoy him, and then flashing him a smile before slowly unbuttoning and unzipping her shorts, and then with pushing them down a bit before allowing them to slide off her legs, and kicking them to the side.   
Loki, who was pretending not to be pleased, looked her up and down before demanding, “hoodie, off.” 

Natasha tutted at him before slowly pulling off her hoodie, to which she revealed she was wearing nothing underneath other than her black lacy bra. As she took off the hoodie, she kind of rolled her body toward him.

She threw the hoodie on her shorts, and there she stood, in her green and black underwear. “What about you?” she cooed, and before Loki could say anything, Natasha bent down to him, popping out a hip, and pushed him down onto the mattress with one finger. Then, she put one leg against his leg on the bed, and began to slowly unbutton his shirt. Once that was taken care of, he slid it off of his arms, tossing it to the side, and held himself up and watched her unbuckle and pull off his jeans.  
“I can do the rest,” Loki said, and then, as he kicked his jeans from around his ankles, he pulled Toni on top of him, kissing her hard and undoing her bra as he went.  
. . .  
Toni yawned, and after a few hours of cuddling totally naked Loki had fallen asleep and Toni had been unable to sleep. So, as carefully as she could, she removed his arm from around her and sliding on her underwear and his shirt before making her way to the kitchen.  
But she really couldn’t find anything to eat, despite the fact that her kitchen had almost everything. Most of it had something to do with using an oven, though, and Toni didn’t know how to do that. Her cooking knowledge varied from sandwiches and microwave meals. This constantly had Toni wondering why she had such a nice figure for someone who either went two days without eating or stuffed her face for a week, not really caring at all that it made her feel all sluggish. She felt that way anyway.

So, instead, she warily opened the alcohol cabinet. One of the perks of being Toni Stark is that she can literally get liquor from anywhere and anyone, because she is a billionaire. And so there it was, in all it’s glory. With her eyes closed, she picked a bottle of Jack Daniels. Not even caring to put it in a glass, she just took a long swig of the bottle, letting the sting of it momentarily take her over until she felt that feeling like butterflies in her tummy. She, unsatisfied, took another swig. And then another. But that was all she allowed herself before she just kind of leaned over the counter, the bottle next to her right arm.

Then, Loki’s voice from the doorway. Toni shot up like a bullet, staring him straight in the face. “Are you okay, love?” he said, walking toward her and grabbing her shoulder softly. She knitted her eyebrows. “I’m fine.” That was the deal breaker, talking right into Loki’s face. “You’ve been drinking,” he stated, dropping his hand from her shoulder as he said it.

“I’m sorry,” she said. Loki tightened his jaw. “C’mon, don’t be like that, it’s your first day back.” She said, pouting. 

“You know, Toni, that I love you. I do, with all my heart. But you are breaking it. My heart, that is. I don’t understand why you are so sad. Miserable, really.” Loki said. This caught Toni completely off-guard, even making her step back a bit.

Before she could say anything, Loki continued, not even looking at her. “You drink and you distance yourself. You lie and smile and you don’t mean it. And it’s really frustrating because I am honestly doing everything in my power to make you happy. I love you, I do, but you’re destroying yourself without realizing it. And it’s killing me.” 

“I don’t know what to say.” Toni wasn’t looking at him.

“I think I should go.” Loki said. He didn’t even bother asking for his shirt back, because he knew Natasha wasn’t wearing a bra underneath it. He just turned around, and a few minutes later, Natasha listened to Loki leave while talking to Thor on his phone, asking for Thor to get out of class to pick Loki up.

And for the first time in a long time, Natasha felt that feeling she hated. And suddenly she was out of control. The Jack Daniels bottle was in her hand and then she’d thrown it, allowing it to shatter against the refrigerator. She screamed, hot tears streaming down her face and onto Loki’s shirt. She then grabbed the next container of Vodka she could find and stormed down to her lab.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow


	3. Chapter 3

“Toni?” 

Steve stuck his head through the lab door, hoping to see her working away on some project with a sodering iron, or eating, or sleeping, two things Steve wishes were Natasha’s favorite pastimes.

But instead, Steve was taken aback by what he saw. Toni sat on top of one of her desks, leaned against a pillar. She’d visibly shoved all her work to the floor, in the process had shattered a lamp and a few glasses. She was wearing a button up shirt, the one Loki had been wearing at school that morning. Her hair was messy, her makeup smudged down her cheeks, and an almost-empty bottle of Vodka in her lap. She was staring at the TV screen, the news playing on silent. 

“Toni, Jesus, are you okay?” Steve ran over to her, taking her bottle away and setting it on the floor. She looked at him. She said something, but it was mostly a slur. It was freezing in the room, and when Steve touched her arm, it was extremely cold.

“Let’s get you to your bed. We were so worried about you, Loki got Thor to pick him up and we haven’t gotten a hold of them since fifth period.” Steve knew Toni wouldn’t remember any of this when she woke up and would be nursing a hangover, but he thought it might help her when it mattered.

Steve slid his arms under Toni’s legs and back, picking her up. She didn’t cooperate, but was obviously too far gone to even function. She smelled like alcohol and sweat. Toni struggled against him for a moment before calmly letting one of her arms hang, the other to lay in her lap. She leaned her head against Steve’s chest.  
Steve walked up to her bedroom, cradling her head because it kept lulling back. He laid her down on her mattress, head on the pillow, and tucking her in tightly. She was slightly shivering, Steve noticed, and he didn’t really know what to do. Steve and Toni were pretty good friends, although they maintained a mostly sarcastic relationship. So, he just pulled a blanket from off the floor and pulled it over her, sighing and leaving the room, shutting the door behind him quietly.

When Steve returned to the kitchen, everyone gave him an expectant look.

“Was she here?” Pep asked, holding Nathan’s hand beside him.

“She didn’t run away to get married in Vegas with Loki with Thor as the best man or something, right?” asked Claire, which bought her the dagger eyes from Agent.

Steve sighed. “Yeah, she was in her lab. Loki wasn't with her.”

“And?” Bryce Banner pressed. Bryce, being easily Toni’s second best friend, was pretty protective.

“She was in her underwear, watching CNN, and she was completely wasted. I could barely understand whatever it was she said to me before I carried her into her bed and she went out like a light.” Steve said quietly.

It was kind of quiet. 

“She’s doing it again.” Said Pepper quietly. Everyone looked at him. “I’ve known Toni since we were kids, you guys know that. She drinks when she gets depressed, sometimes it gets bad. Since she was, like, thirteen.” Pepper shook his head. 

“Do you think it has something to do with Loki? He hates her drinking, no matter how little,” said Bryce.

“Oh, God, you don’t think they broke up do you?” said Agent.

Steve shrugged. “I guess we won’t know until-“

But Steve was cut off by a front door slamming, and none other than Thor walking through the living room to the kitchen, a woeful expression on his face. 

“Thor, oh my God, please tell us what happened,” Bryce said, hopeful.

Thor sighed. “My friends,” he said, in that loud yet quiet voice of his, “It seems that Lady Natasha and Loki have had a falling out. He has informed me that he left her in her house after he found her drinking. He became upset with her. He says he would like to apologize to her but he does not know how.” Thor shrugged.

Steve raised his eyebrows. “Well, I mean, he can just go up to her and tell her he’s sorry! Toni might be defensive and kind of sensitive sometimes, but it’s not that hard.” Steve said, crossing his arms.

“I will tell him to do this immediately,” said Thor, but everyone yelled NO! all at once.

“Why not?” Thor asked, becoming defensive.

“Um, Thor? I’m not sure weather it’s okay to tell Loki this or not, but after he left we think Toni got really drunk. She’s fast asleep right now, it probably won’t do any good to wake her up.” 

Thor sighed. “Very well. Well, my friends, my brother is quite upset at the moment and I think it to be the best for myself to be with him. Give Lady Natasha my kindest regards!” Thor grinned at them, and then walked back out of the front door, accidentally slamming the door behind him.

Steve sighed.

“Well, I don’t want to leave Toni here overnight by herself. God knows she’s going to need us when she wakes up tomorrow.” Said Bryce.

They all nodded. “So, we have enough blankets in this house for all of us. Let’s pull an all-nighter.” Pepper said, smiling at them all.  
..

Thirty minutes later, all of them had made a big puffy pillow bed between the couches of the finished basement. Half of the wall facing them was a TV, and they were half way into The Hunger Games. It was a Friday, so none of them had to go to school tomorrow. Steve felt kind of out of place, though, surrounded by all the couples. That’s why it was just himself and Bryce, sitting awkwardly by one another on the floor as the couples did couple things around them.

Claire and Agent were curled up on the smaller couch, so as they would be able to have more skin touching or whatever. Agent and Claire were definitely the most sexual couple between all of them, constantly making out or grabbing butts or boobs or whatever available parts there were. They were worse than Loki and Toni, if that was even a thing anymore.

On the other couch, Pepper and Nathan were laying on the couch, Pepper’s head on the space between Nathan’s lap and his tummy on account of Nathan was a lot bigger and more muscular than Pepper. They were also, in some complicated form, holding hands. Steve, all of a sudden, kind of felt lonely in that moment. He wondered if Bryce ever felt the same way. But while Steve was always a People Person, Bryce could probably go a few years without talking to anyone who spoke her first language.

Steve was suddenly thinking of everything and nothing to drown out their romance and his lonliness. Steve remembered the time in the seventh grade when Toni had stood up on her desk during homeroom and announced that she was now “Toni Stark” and not “Natasha.” The nickname hadn’t caught on at first, not until she started giving everyone the silent treatment until she was addressed as “Toni.” Even the teachers. It bought her a fair amount of Detentions, but she was sure it was worth it.

Toni had always been a rebel. She’d dyed her hair bright pink in the seventh grade just because. In the eighth grade, barely any of the clothes she wore didn’t have studs on them. In the ninth grade she’d decided she’d waned to be the first to lose her virginity out of the group of friends, and so she’d gone and done so. Steve had been the awkward gawky skinny kid of the group who never made anyone laugh and had always been sick.

In sophomore year, everything changed.

Toni had gotten kidnapped. Steve had gotten injected with the super serum. When Toni escaped captivity and was rescued by helicopters, the two had been surprised with each other’s appearance. Toni hadn’t even recognized Steve, and Steve had barely recognized Toni once she went full-on depressed alcoholic. Steve thought it was because she didn’t want the arc reactor.

But now things were better. Toni drank an acceptable amount (for her) and everyone got used to Steve being really muscular. Principal Fury even didn’t yell “SHUT UP MOTHERFUCKERS” at them every day anymore.

At least, they were supposed to get better.

In this year, their Junior year, things had patched themselves up for the people who needed it. Bryce had discovered yoga. Clint and Agent had finally gotten together. Thor found love in Jack. Pepper, after having an extremely clean and perfect split with Toni, moved on to Nathan. And Loki and Toni had become a thing. The only person who hadn’t been okay was Steve. He was exactly what everyone was looking for, but he didn’t want them.

Steve didn’t know what he wanted anymore.

Eventually, Steve got so lost in his thoughts he eventually fell asleep, listening as he heard the credits of the movie start to roll.

..

Steve was the first one to wake up the next morning, since he’d been the first to fall asleep. He sighed. Bryce was nowhere to be found, which was no surprise. Bryce had probably been disturbed by all the snoring and found a guest bedroom to fall asleep in. Claire and Agent were wrapped around one another like two promising pinkies. Pepper and Nathan were gone, and Steve guessed they’d gone to Pepper’s bedroom.

Steve decided to go up to the kitchen, but realizing quickly that even though he hadn’t eaten since yesterday’s school lunch, he wasn’t hungry. So instead, he mindlessly walked around Toni’s house for about ten minutes. It was filled with paintings and classy stuff that Steve knew Toni hated and Pepper had probably picked out.

Then, Steve remembered Toni’s existence and began making his way back to her bedroom. The door was shut, but he opened it with a soft knock. When he walked in, he didn’t know what he thought he would expect, a Toni laying with a grimace and an ice pack on her head? No, the blankets were thrown back on the bed violently and from Toni’s bathroom, Steve could hear the sound of dry heaving.

Steve warily made his way to the bathroom doorframe. Toni’s long, black wavy hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail, kneeling in front of the toilet. One of her arms was wrapped around her stomach and the other cupping her forehead. Steve, being someone who had never got more than tipsy and now never could, didn’t know what she was feeling like. But she looked like she was in pain.

Steve watched as she coughed and retched into the toilet and nothing came out. And then she waited, and then she leaned her face against the wall, grimacing at the noise of just her moving.

“Toni?” Steve whispered. She looked up at him, wiggling her fingers half-heartedly. She’d wiped the smeared makeup off her cheeks, and any evidence that she was with Loki last night was gone. Even the shirt she was wearing the previous night was gone, and Natasha was sitting in a very oversized shirt that Steve thought belonged to Pepper.

“Come here,” Toni looked skeptical, but somehow managed to pull herself off of the floor and walking over to Steve. “I am so fucking pissed at myself. I hate hangovers. Ugh.” She said, growling in frustration at her head. “I can bring you some Tylenol,” Steve offered. Toni nodded, and slowly pulled herself into the bed.   
Steve went into her bathroom, opening her pill cabinet. Steve was kind of taken away by the amount of medications in there, prescription or otherwise, but Steve decided to ignore it. He grabbed her some ibuprofen and one of her plastic cups of water. He brought it to her, and she took the pills and drank the rest of the water.

“Ugh,” she said again, mostly to herself, before leaning her head against the headboard. Steve didn’t know what to do.

“I guess I’ll just go now?” Steve offered, and began to turn to her bedroom door.

“No! Stay here. Sit down.” Toni pouted at him, and so awkwardly Steve sat at the end of the bed. Toni smiled at him half-heartedly. “I wonder how I got in here last night.” She said, picking at some nail polish in the center of her thumb nail.

“I actually brought you up here,” Steve said, immediately regretting letting her know that.

Toni pursed her lips. “So you saw me like that?” she asked quietly.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Steve lied.

“Shut up. I saw my face this morning.” She smirked. “Now, get out of my room so I can get dressed or something.” Steve warily slid off of her bed and nodded at her, leaving and closing the door behind him. When he returned to the kitchen, all of the people had taken their place as they had been last night.

“Is she awake?” Bryce asked, who was brushing her messy, curly hair with her fingers.

“Yeah. I found her throwing up. I gave her some ibuprofen and she says she’s going to come down here.” Steve said. Everyone just nodded. Pepper was making omelets for everyone. Steve tapped his fingers against the counter. And it was quiet. Everyone was waiting for Toni.

And then she came downstairs. 

She had her usual facial expression, her hair was perfectly curled and in place. She was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, her makeup done the way it was usually.   
“Morning.” She said. “Did everyone have a little sleepover here last night?” she smiled at them, raising her eyebrows. No one said anything, so she just sighed and walked over to the coffee maker and started to make coffee. 

“Are you okay, Toni?” Bryce asked quietly. 

Toni turned around and raised her eyebrows. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Toni smiled at Bryce. Bryce didn’t smile back. 

“You’re really gonna lie to us?” Claire scoffed, looking at her. “We know what happened with Loki last night. Dude, you’re not okay. We’re your best friends, Toni. It’s okay.” 

“I just don’t want to talk about it, okay?” Toni said, and taking her coffee pot out of the coffee maker and began pouring it into her mug.

“We’re just worried about you,” Pepper said.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t ask for some sort of breakup intervention, so.” And with that, Toni grabbed her cup and stormed out of the room.

Steve sighed. “Maybe I should follow her?” 

“No,” Pepper said, “if you follow her you’ll get yelled at. She’s probably just going to drink her coffee and watch television in bed until she passes out again.” 

“Or pukes it up,” Claire suggested.

“I’m just worried about her,” Steve muttered.

“We all are.” Said Bryce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit's gettin' serious now motherfuckers


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took five hundred years  
> but i will waLK FIVE HUNDRED MORE

Toni was nauseous, hungry, and really heartbroken.

Honestly, under what circumstances did Loki, or anyone even, have the balls to dump her? Toni Fucking Stark!

Seething, she stormed up to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Her bedroom was enormous, to say the least, her bed remotely close to the bathroom door and a flat screen facing the bed. She had a huge walk-in closet which stocked the endless amount of fancy dresses Pepper had picked out for her. Every occasion in which Pepper had dragged Toni along to the dress store or whatever it was called, Toni ended up getting Pepper to let her get something that was entirely slutty or showed a mass amount of her skin, but still was made of fabric. The rest were old woman dresses or poufy prom-like dresses that were currently collecting dust.

Toni sighed, plopping down on her bed, taking a long drink of her coffee, sort of afraid that if she drank too much of it she’d throw up everywhere. Ever since her parents died Toni had taken their place for Stark Industries, although that was mostly Pepper’s job. Toni’s job was to show up at classy parties and make people laugh who were twice her age, although if Toni wasn’t so sarcastic and irresponsible and impulsive she would be twice their maturity.

Toni bit her lip, pulling a curl behind her ear. Then, her phone chimed, and she pulled it out of her pocket. It was one of the managers she was supposed to have that wasn’t Pepper.

You’re expected to go to that party at Justin Hammer’s tonight. You will be there, correct? –KM

“Pepper!” Toni yelled, ignoring the pounding in the back of her head.

“Yes?” yelled Pepper back.

“You didn’t tell me I had to go to Hammer’s!” Toni said, saying his name like it was something gross in her mouth.

“Well… you do!” Pepper said. Toni groaned. Now, she had to find a date and do her hair and really all she wanted to do was eat ice cream and watch Dear John or something. 

what time do I have to go to this satanic event she texted the manager.

Six tonight. Be there, Stark. –KM

Toni groaned again, dropping her phone into the carpet. How was she expected to deal with probably being broken up with Loki, having a horrible hangover, and still having to spend two hours making sure she looked fabulous. Let alone the fact that she would have to take one of the imbeciles that were currently taking refuge in her kitchen.

So, she walked back downstairs.

Everyone looked at her.

“I have to go to a thing tonight.” She said.

“We know, Pepper nearly deafened us.” Claire said, smirking.

“Shut up, Claire. Steve, will you do me the wonderful honor of accompanying me to this?” she asked, turning her attention to the blonde.

“Um. I don’t have anything to wear. Like, not even at my place.” Steve said.

“I’m sure the girls will swoon at you in Pepper’s clothes.” Toni said, winking at Pepper who looked horrified at the fact that he was going to have to lend one of his precious suits to the Super-Soldier.

“Now, if you’ll please excuse me, I have to go make myself look fabulous.” Toni said sarcastically. “I have three hours. It will take two for me to get ready, and Hammer lives a hell of a lot away.”

“But it starts at six, you’ll still be late.” Pepper warned.

Toni just winked at him.

..  
Steve and everyone was waiting for Toni. She hadn’t emerged from her bedroom since the two hours ago she’d left the kitchen. Steve was uncomfortable, wearing a suit of Nathan’s since Pepper’s suits had been much too small. He was wearing an all-black suit, a blue dress shirt, and a purple tie. Agent had had a fit combing his hair right. 

And then Toni emerged, and Steve was sort of taken away or something. Because she looked beautiful and revealing all at once. She was wearing this skintight dress that flowed near the bottom. It was fire truck red, and there was a strip of fabric that displayed her stomach and belly button. Steve hadn’t been aware Toni had a bellybutton ring, but you learn something new every day. 

Her black hair was in countless ringlets pulled to one side, and the brown of her eyes was almost a shade of amber for some makeup reasons. The hem of her dress just covered the arc reactor, and she wore a diamond necklace. She was pulling her dress up as she walked down the stairs to reveal black high hells. 

Toni stopped at the bottom of the stairs where everyone was waiting. It was kind of quiet, and everyone was staring at her. And then Claire broke the silence.

“DAYUM, SOMEONE’S LOOKIN’ FINE TONIGHT!” 

Agent punched her in the shoulder.

“Thanks Claire. Wanna go, Steve?” Toni said, smirking at him. And Steve was kind of confused as to why Natasha wasn’t taken aback by her own beauty or something, but he went to her anyway. She guided Steve to her garage, and immediately walked to a bright red, fancy, expensive looking convertible. She unlocked it and slid right in, pulling the hem of the dress up and waiting for Steve to get into the car. 

When he did, he almost had a heart attack when Toni pressed on the gas immediately when the door shut. Steve slammed into the back of his seat, buckling his seatbelt, and the garage door seemed to open just in time for the car not to make impact with the door.

“Jesus, Toni, how do you drive like this?” Steve asked, holding onto the car dashboard for dear life.  
“It’s fun. When you’ve been driving since you were eight because your father didn’t give a fuck about you, you drive recklessly, my friend.” Toni smiled, straightening up and looking over the windshield. Steve didn’t know what to say, so instead, he just tapped his fingers against his knees and waited for Toni to say something.

“I can’t believe I have to go to something of Hammer’s. He’s such a douchepants.” Toni muttered.

Steve started laughing, really hard, clutching his stomach. “Oh my God, what is a DOUCHEPANTS?!” 

“I DON’T KNOW, A JUSTIN HAMMER!” Toni yelled, her grin becoming bigger. The road was actually really soothing and relaxing, the road empty and dark because of the fact that it was fall. Too bad it wasn’t cold. It doesn’t get cold in Malibu.

“I hate Justin.” Toni said, lulling her head back. “It’s bad enough he tries to sleep with me every time I get within a five mile radius of him.” 

Steve snorted. “I guess that’s what you get when you’re born like an angel or something.” 

Steve immediately felt his ears turning red. He didn’t mean to say it out loud. But if Toni was flattered, she didn’t show it, and raised her eyebrows at him. “And you’re telling me? LOOK AT YOU, STEVE!”

“Yeah, but I was born skinny and awkward and sick. You’ve been pretty since pre-school.” Steve said.

“I try.” Toni flipped a curl of hair over her shoulder, and Steve couldn’t help but feel weird in the general area of his stomach.

When they reached Hammer’s house, Steve quickly realized that the place was enormous. Toni’s house was really no better, and was actually a lot bigger (your house has to be big if you have two Norse Gods running around every day after school), but Steve still found himself wondering how the hell they don’t get lost in these mansions.

On the long walk to the front, there was paparazzi. A lot of people holding cameras and taking pictures. Toni sighed, and handed her car keys to the valet, who looked like he’d died and gone to heaven the second he touched the driver’s seat. Toni threw on a smile, wrapped her arm around Steve’s, and together they started walking.

Steve tried to smile at the cameras, too, but he knew it was just a lot easier for Toni. She’d been smiling at cameras since birth, right? She’d smiled at cameras through everything, even her parent’s death. Not her funeral, which she didn’t go to, but she’d still smiled. Although, from both the left and right Toni was being accused of the weirdest things.

“TONI STARK, DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT SLEEP WITH JUSTIN BIEBER?”

“TONI, ARE YOU OR ARE YOU NOT BUYING OUT THE SKITTLES COMPANY?” 

“How are you and your little Norse boyfriend?” Snickered a voice right in her ear. When Toni and Steve looked at the man, not being able to resist, there stood a short little ugly guy holding a picture of someone who was obviously Loki, shirtless with an angry expression on his face storming out of Toni’s house while on his phone. 

Toni’s eyes widened, but just after she moved her head away from the man holding the picture. “Fuck.” She muttered. “The press are going to have a field day with this.”

“You’ll be fine,” Steve assured her.

“I hate my life.” She groaned. Steve wondered if she was kidding or not.

They eventually made their way into the house after having to give signatures to a bunch of fans and kiss babies and take pictures. Although it was mostly Steve kissing the babies. Even though they were just teenagers, all of Toni’s friends have been seen countless times in public with her, so they were still sort of famous. Definitely not as famous as Toni, but.

When they made their way in the house, Toni didn’t let Steve leave her side. They walked through the party, having to talk to people (although Steve did most of the talking and Toni did most of the I’m Fucking Bored face) until Toni spotted Justin walking toward her.

“My least favorite person in the world, Justin Hammer!” she said, letting him walk up and hug her around the shoulders. Steve was pretty sure that if Toni had longer nails, they’d be digging into Justin’s back.

Justin raised his eyebrows at Steve. Steve raised his eyebrows back, thinking that if Justin wanted to fuck with Toni, Steve could easily backhand him to New Mexico.

Justin started talking- or rather, bragging about something his Hammer Enterprises had accomplished, Toni had rolled her eyes and tapped her foot and frequently said, “Yeah, okay Hammer.” Eventually, when Justin wasn’t looking, Toni grabbed Steve’s arm and led him away, in what just so happened to be a bar.

Toni smiled at the bartender, asking for some sort of complicated drink so fast Steve didn’t even know what she asked for. When the bartender looked at him, Steve asked for a soda.

“They just give you drinks here? But you’re only seventeen.” Steve said quietly.

“I’m Toni Stark, it doesn’t matter how old I am. I could get drinks at parties like these since I was fourteen.” She didn’t say it quietly, more proudly.

Steve just kind of awkwardly nodded. And he hovered. And he let Natasha guide him around this enormous house party for three hours, somehow always returning to the bar and getting more drinks. And somehow, he noticed, that she started using his arm for support as she started tripping over her own heels.

“Toni?” Steve eventually whispered in her ear. “Do you think we should go back now?”

“Uh, yeah, just… let me go to the bathroom first.” And then, Toni kind of took an immediate sharp turn into the nearest door, slamming it shut behind her. Steve wavered for a moment, and then he heard someone call his name. Thinking it rude to deny the group of people inviting him to talk, he walked toward them.

…

Toni was washing her hands in the sink of Justin Hammer’s enormous bathroom. Then, she re-applied her red lipstick.

Then, someone walked right in on her.

“WOAH, ASSHOLE!” she screamed, and then promptly threw her lipstick at whoever it was.

Loki stood at the doorway, looking really delicious in his suit and his hair all slicked back. He now sported a giant line of red lipstick across his left cheek, too. 

“Was that really necessary? You are decent.” Loki said. Natasha, who was way less drunk than she could’ve been, noticed a slight slur in Loki’s words. After drinking for your entire teenage years, you learn not to be phased by three glasses of wine. Toni was only tripping in her heels because they were, well, seven inches or something.

“Loki, are you drunk?” she asked him.

“Yeah, but only because I had to have the intense balls to talk to you.” Loki said.

“Okay, well, what do you want, because-“ 

And then Loki’s lips were crushing against Toni’s, one hand in her hair and one crushing her to him, and Toni was kind of kissing him back. And then Loki did that thing with his lips, the curling thing, and then she was kissing him back.

The next thing she knew, Loki was escorting her to the nearest bedroom.

...

“OH MY GOD, PLEASE LORD, TELL ME I DIDN’T SLEEP WITH THE BIGGEST DOUCHE BAG IN MALIBU!” she yelled, sitting up immediately, pulling the blankets over her boobs as she went.

Justin made a face. “Please. I’d never sleep with you.” Toni was extremely pleased, besides the fact that Justin was currently breathing her air, that he was also standing beside the bed she was in, holding up her dress (which was torn, thank you Loki) and tutting at her.

Toni snatched the dress out of his hands in one swift move. “Leave. And that’s funny. “I would never sleep with you”. That’s a real laugh, Justin.” She rolled her eyes as Hammer flipped her the bird as he left the guest bedroom they were in. She wondered why the creep even entered the room anyway.

Toni slipped out of the sheets, and started dressing herself as she faced Loki. He was fast asleep, one arm over his naked chest. Once she’d slipped her dress on, she sighed, and walked over to him, picking up her high heels off the floor as she went.

She poked him with the heel. “Loki.” 

He didn’t move.

“LOKI!” 

This time, he jumped up, looking her in the eyes with a mix between anger and confusion.

“Dude, no way I’m leaving you in Justin Hammer’s house alone. You’d never survive. C’mon, we have to go find Steve-“

STEVE. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Toni knew she’d forgot something. The poor guy had probably had to fend for himself, Toni had the car keys and even if Steve did have them he wouldn’t have had the guts to leave her here without a ride. Let alone the fact that Steve probably thought Toni had gone missing. 

“Steve, Loki! STEVE! HE IS HERE, AND HE IS ALONE, THE POOR BABY!” Toni pulled Loki out of the bed urgently, and he, alarmed, grabbed his boxers and slid them on. “I thought this was supposed to be a classy party,” Loki muttered.

“Yeah, for the first two hours.” Toni explained. “Then it gets late and the press don’t really care ‘cause no one important shows up and… wait, Loki, no one saw you come in here, right?” 

“No, Natasha, I snuck in through a window.” Loki rolled his eyes.

“Was that sarcasm?” Toni asked, raising an eyebrow at him as he picked his suit off the floor and began dressing himself. 

“Do you doubt my magic? Honestly.” He shook his head.

“Shut up, polar bear, we need to find Steve.” Said Toni, bouncing up and down.

“Do not make fun of my Jotun form,” Loki muttered, glaring at her.

“Okay, ice cube, let’s go.” Before Loki could correct her, she grabbed his arm and stormed out of the room. 

They looked around the majority of the house. If Toni lost a dollar for every boob she saw while exploring that place, she’d… well, she’d become a millionaire or something. 

Finally, they reached one of the living rooms. It was filled with the least amount of mostly-naked women, and Steve was kind of awkwardly waking up in the midst of it all. Before Steve could see any boobs which Toni was sure Steve didn’t want to, she ran over to him. “OH MY GOD STEVE I AM SO SORRY C’MON YOUR VIRGIN EYES DON’T NEED TO WITNESS THIS JESUS!” she yelled, and before Steve or Loki even knew what was happening Toni grabbed both of them and together they ran through the house until they found Toni’s car.

“I arrived in my own vehicle.” Loki said. “I shall return home in it.” 

He leaned her against the car, and brushed a kiss next to her lips. 

“We’ll talk about this later.” Toni said. She was showing no emotion on her face, or in her voice. Then, she opened the door to her car and jumped in, tossing her heels into the back seat and pulling the keys out of her clutch, staring the engine. Steve, remembering how terrifying Toni’s driving was, buckled his seatbelt in fear as Toni revved up the engine, her eyes getting that look that screamed “I’m DEMEMTED!” and took off down the driveway and a sharp turn into the highway before Steve could say her name.

But just a few moments after they got on the road, Toni slowed her driving to a normal pace, and tapped her fingers against the wheel. “Okay, Steve, I want to get two things straight.” She said.

“Humor me,” said Steve, who’s neck was uncomfortable from sleeping on a couch that was basically or decoration, it was so hard.

“First, I was not that drunk last night. This might be news to you- actually, it shouldn’t, you’ve known me since third grade- that I am unable to walk in heels in most situations. I have been walking in heels for a long while, and I can usually cover it by laughing or flipping my hair or something. But I was not that drunk last night. I know this because I remember ninety percent of what happened.” 

“Okay.” Steve said, still wondering if he was willing to believe this.

“The second thing, is that, yes, I slept with Loki last night. No, that doesn’t mean that Loki and I am getting back together.” She was quiet when she said this.

“Why? You and Loki are happy together.” Steve said, in pure confusion.

“That’s coming from somebody who’s never been in a real relationship before.” Toni reminded him.

“Loki has been your longest relationship.” Steve reminded her.

“Yeah, but my thing with Pepper still counts, so. If anyone asks where we were last night, tell them that we went to the Waffle House with some friends who’s names neither of us remember and ended up crashing at their place. And if Claire asks, which I’m sure she will, we did not sleep together.” 

“Anything else?” Steve said, trying to remember all of that.

“I have cramps and I am sad and you look like a puppy when you wake up in the morning, all yawny and shit.” She said. Steve was constantly torn between accidentally correcting her language and avoiding the punch in the shoulder he’d get afterwards.

They drove in silence for a few minutes before Steve realized that they were going back to Steve’s little house, not Toni’s mansion. He suddenly realized he didn’t mind that at all. He’d been surrounded by couples for the past two days, was still tired because of the lack of sleep he’d had last night, and could already almost feel the hot water of the shower he was about to throw himself into.

“Thanks, Toni.” Steve said, getting out of her car and being thankful to be touching the earth’s ground.

“Don’t mention it, Rogers. And thanks for being my date.” And with that, Toni drove off.

Steve sat outside for awhile, watching her car go until it was out of sight. After that, he waited until the sound of it blended in with the other cars.

He went inside still thinking about her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took fucking forever  
> my computer kept freezing right in the middle of me posting this chapter and i kept wanting to flip a desk or something  
> anyways


	5. the fifth chapter ooh shit's gettin crispy now

Toni, after leaving her car in the garage (along with her high hells and purse) walked up the stairs. It was early in the morning, her feet were killing her, and she realized that she was just lucky that everyone had left her house besides Pepper, who was probably fast asleep in his bed. She walked up the stairs, pulling her dress off as she went, and when she reached her bedroom she threw it on the floor, and curled up in just her underwear.

What the fuck was she supposed to do? She shouldn’t have kissed Loki back last night, let alone sleep with him. Now, he wanted to get back together, right? But the thing was, Toni didn’t know if she wanted to get back together with Loki. Because he hurt her. He stormed out of her house when it was obvious she needed him. It made her think he was kind of a prick. And, you know, he was a prick. He always had been, right?

Soon, she realized she couldn’t fall back asleep. There was too much on her mind. Instead, she took a long, hot shower. It took up all the hot water- she knew Pepper would hate her for it- and then she stepped back out, pulling a soft towel over her and almost peeing herself when she stepped right into a person, who grabbed her hips to keep her from falling over.

“OH MY FUCKING GOD, LOKI.” She yelled in his face. “HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF KNOCKNG?’ 

“Sorry,” he muttered. “But you said that we would talk about it later, did you not?”

She gave him a blank expression. “That doesn’t mean I meant when I’m naked getting out of the shower. Stay here.” And then, Toni left the bathroom and shut the door. She picked up the first clothes she could find; some shorts and an AC/DC sweatshirt. “Okay, you can come in,” she called while she was yanking her hair into a wet, messy bun.

Loki came out slowly, like he was worried she was lying to him and she was waiting naked on the bed or something. When he saw her with actual clothes on, though, he just walked over to her and plopped on the bed beside her. 

“What is it that you need to say?” Loki asked. Toni sighed and tapped her fingers against her bare knee. “I think we shouldn’t get back together.” She murmured.

She looked at Loki. His facial expression went from angry to upset to blank. And before Toni could comfort him, or say something, he said, “I understand.” And left. Just like that. Toni sighed. This was what she wanted, wasn’t it? She’d already done the breakup mourning, hadn’t she? 

Even though this was accurate, she still found herself going to the kitchen to find ice cream, and later into the Media Room to watch Dear John.

Eventually, Pepper found her. She was all curled up in one of the chairs, a tub of Ben and Jerry’s in her lap snuggling with a pillow pet, making doe eyes at the screen, which currently displayed Channing Tatum about to kiss the girl who played Savannah. 

“Um, Toni, are you okay?” Pepper asked awkwardly.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just wallowing in ice cream and sad movies. Don’t mind me.” She replied. 

Pepper sat in the chair next to her anyway. “So, tell me what’s really wrong.”

“Me and Loki broke up,” Toni said. “Y’know, officially.” 

Pepper clutched his heart. “Oh, good, I thought you might be on your period.”

Toni couldn’t help but laugh. “You suck,” she said, slapping Pepper’s shoulder lightly. Pepper smiled. “You’re going to be fine, Toni.” Toni smiled at her. “Yeah. Probably.” 

They sat together for awhile, until the movie was over. “How was the party?” Pepper asked as the credits began to roll.

“Ugh, it was horrible and boring. Justin was all up in my business, and I couldn’t walk in my shoes.” Pepper smiled, listening to Toni talk about how much she hated Justin Hammer and his stupid crooked nose. 

“Well, I’ve got stuff to do.” Pepper said.

Toni pouted. “Like Pepper stuff or Stark Industries stuff?”

“Stark Industries stuff.” 

“Boring. Have fun.” Toni said. Pepper nodded at her, stood up, and grabbed her ice cream on the way out. Toni crossed her arms. How was she supposed to spend her entire Sunday in her house alone? Usually, she’d invite Loki over, but that was obviously not an option. She would have Steve come and humor her, but she suspected he’d had enough of her after being forced to sleep on one of Hammer’s wooden couches. So, there was only one thing to do.

Toni made her way down to the lab. It was convenient because she’d already had on some old, raggedy shorts and a black tank top, easily displaying her Arc Reactor. She slipped on some converse and got to work.

Both arms and legs of the Iron Man suit were already perfectly put together, torso and helment almost done. Toni knew it was crazy, and she knew that it would probably not work, but hey, she had nothing better to do. After shutting down the making of the weapons in Stark Industries after she got kidnapped in Afghanistan when she was fifteen, she didn’t have too much to do besides make communications devices (and the occasional gun) for the government agency which was behind SHIELD High School. 

Toni cracked her neck, and pulled the bottom of the torso of the suit onto the table, and started working. It wasn’t going to be anything girly, wasn’t going to show the fact that, Hey! That suit has boobs, because boobs weren't incorporated. The most anyone was going to be able to tell that the person in the suit was a female was that Toni was going to give it a slight hourglass figure, but hey, there were dudes with nice shapes out there.

Toni knew that Director Fury was recruiting more and more of her friends to become SHIELD Agents. Claire and Nathan. They even had cute little nicknames or whatever, “Hawkeye” and “The Tarantula.” Toni had almost peed herself at Nathan’s, though.

Steve had been recruited just after them, back when he’d gotten the super serum and had become all muscles. He’d gotten a spangly outfit, it was red white and blue with a big star on his chest, and a shield to match. He’d been the first out of all of them to get picked. Thor, who was from Asgard, was technically already made for the job. He even came with his own outfit. Like a two-for-one deal. Agent Ophelia Coulson, who had no super powers, was Fury’s second in command. But Toni knew Agent could kick total ass, anyway. And don’t even get Toni started on how Bryce turns into an enormous green rage monster.

Was Toni going to be left out of the loop? Hell no. Her “super power” wasn’t going to be their savior, making new fancy gun for the agents. The Iron Man idea had been a way to get out of that goddamn cave, but it had been scrapped by Toni herself. After all, no one was going to take a fifteen year old kid with PTSD flying around in a piece of junk Toni could barely put together at that age seriously. But now she was about to graduate high school, had slept with more celebrities than the press could count, built cooler shit than anyone had before. Toni had made a name for herself; she was a new Toni Stark. One that no one had known back when her parents died. Back when she was twelve and people were still allowed to call her Natasha. Please. 

Once, and if she got this Iron Man suit working, she would be unstoppable. A hero. Just like Hawkeye or The Tarantula or Thor or, well, Captain America. Of course all they did those days was fight cute little teenagers who could stretch extra far or some cool shit, but Toni knew that if she put this together than she would be able to do something great. Something big.

Then, she heard someone behind her. “You have a tattoo of my shield?” 

Balls.

“Um.” She turned around to see Steve, staring at her back (which was now her stomach) at the spot her tank top had ridden up while she was working. He was a little bit sweaty, wearing jogging shorts that fell to his knees, sneakers, and a black SHIELD t-shirt that said “ROGERS” above the crest.

“It was just a dare.” Toni said. And, she did have a tattoo of the design of Steve’s shield. Claire and Nathan had said she’d been too much of a pussy to get a tattoo last year when she’d turned sixteen, and even though she had a tiny tattoo of a bird over her hip bone, they’d still somehow talked her into getting a tattoo of the Captain America shield on her lower back. 

“A dare to get my shield tattooed on your back? Oh my god, this is crazy.” Steve was laughing so hard.

“It’s not that bad getting tattoos, Steve. I have another one on a place you’ll never see.” Okay, maybe the bird was where her thigh just ends. But who cared?

“I know, I have a tattoo, too.” He said. Toni’s eyebrows shot right up. “Oh my God, where. Tell me now. Please.” 

“You’re gonna hate me for having it. Claire and Nathan made me.” Steve said, warily starting to take his shirt off. Toni couldn’t help but notice how defined Steve’s abs were, just like how she remembered how Steve looked at her bellybutton ring when she’d worn that see-through dress.

“Yeah,” Toni said as Steve threw his shirt to the side. “Claire and Nathan made me get your shield on my-“

Then, Steve ever-so-slightly pulled a bit of his shorts down, revealing a blue design Toni couldn’t quite make out. Once, she got closer, though, a huge grin lit up on her face.

“Oh. My. God. Oh my fucking god, Steve! Is that my Arc Reactor?!” Steve nodded, pulling up his shorts. “I can’t believe my arc reactor is permanently inked on your leg. Holy shit. This is the best day ever.” He smiled at her, picking up his shirt and putting it back on. The Arc Reactor symbol had become a popular thing between kids, and Stark Industries had gotten her to print it out on stickers and other shit. Toni even thought there was an Arc Reactor toy.

“Y’know, we basically have matching tattoos. You have my arc reactor, I have your shield. This is so badass.” Steve smiled at her when she said it.

“So, what are you even doing here?” she asked, staring at him. Steve shrugged. “I was taking a jog and decided to stop by. What’cha working on?” 

Toni hadn’t planned on telling anyone, but Steve wouldn’t tell anyone, so what was the real problem here? “Come see. I’m gonna blow you away.” She winked at him, and Steve’s entire face blushed. He walked over to her and stood in front of the table, examining the alm0st-finished torso of the suit as Toni pushed the arms and legs over. 

“What is this?” Steve asked, his mind still not clicking the parts together. “A metal suit?”

“Not just any metal suit.” Toni said, smiling ear-to-ear. “This is Iron Man.” As she said it, she slid her hand into one of the arms. “Watch this.” Steve turned his attention to the hand, in which Toni was pointing at a large sheet of metal hanging up.

“Does that work?” Steve asked. 

“I don’t know,” said Toni, “I’ve never tried it.” But who was she kidding? Of course it would work, she was a genius.

With that, there was a loading kind of noise, and then something bright shot out of the hand, and Toni fell to her ass after it shot. If she hadn’t have fallen, Steve would’ve stared awestruck at the sheet of metal, which now had an enormous gaping hole right in the middle. Instead, he helped Toni back up off the floor.

“So, are you going to wear that thing?” Steve asked, suddenly staring at the arm like it was a gun pointed at him as Toni took it off and set it on the table. 

“No, Steve, I’m going to give it to the local dog shelter as a chew toy. Yes, I’m going to wear it.” She had a big smile on her face as she looked over the suit.

“Isn’t that dangerous though?” Steve asked, looking at her.

“I dunno. Probably.” She grinned. “It’s getting kind of late, don’t you want to go home or something?” 

Steve shrugged. “It’s only seven…” 

“Okay, well promise me you won’t come tackle me in the shower tomorrow or anything because Fury told you to.” 

Steve smiled. “I promise.”

“I could microwave us some chocolate chip pancakes,” Toni offered.

“I’ve heard worse ideas.” Steve said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this was kind of a filler  
> pls ignore how much i suck at detailing their break up  
> its just  
> effort


	6. and the trigger warnings begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay so this is where the rape trigger happens so if you're not cozy with reading stuff like that i wouldn't read this??? i didn't describe it or anything but  
> i mean sort of  
> but there were no like pulsating dicks or anything  
> wow i need to shut up now bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember  
> trigger warning  
> very bad

“I hate mornings,” Toni complained, dragging her feet. Even though Toni and her friends were deep in the auditorium of SHIELD High School, Toni still had her sunglasses on. Besides that, she’d gone back to the normal Toni- skin tight jeans, an expensive-looking sweater, and some high heels that weren't seven inches this time. Her hair was perfectly curled. Steve thought that it might’ve been because she was trying to make Loki jealous or something (Steve had seen Loki staring at her from his locker), but he didn’t ask because Toni would never admit it.

And they were sitting on the bleachers in the gym, Claire sitting on Agent’s lap, her short blonde hair pulled in a ponytail. Agent was wearing a business suit or something. 

Bryce’s face was buried in a book, Thor was talking with the jocks who weren't on the football team about Football or some sport, and Toni and Steve sat beside each other.

“Why the fuck do we have to be here? I should be falling asleep in homeroom right about now.” Toni complained, crossing her legs. Steve was about to say something, but a cheerleader ran into the room and answered for him.

The cheerleader was wearing her uniform- black and yellow, with the SHIELD crest on the shirt. Toni groaned loudly beside him. “What’s up SHIELD High?” the girl yelled in her perky bubblegum voice. Most of the guys yelled back, Toni buried her face in her hands. 

“It’s a pep rally.” She said in horror. Almost as soon as she said it, all the rest of the Cheer Squad, the drill team, and the football players ran into the room. The cheerleaders started to do a cheer, the jocks just kind of yelled at everyone, and the drill team did some kind of a dance. It was all very bad and shouldn’t have been done all at once. When it was over, Fury stepped into the middle of the auditorium with a microphone. He just stared at all of them like they were the grossest things he’d ever seen. “GET TO CLASS, MOTHER FUCKERS!” and then everyone scrambled out of their seats and ran to their classes. 

Toni and Steve were in the same first period, so they went together, Toni’s heels clicking against the linoleum floors and Steve walking awkwardly beside her.

“So, I heard you and Loki broke up yesterday. Like, officially.” He said.

“Yeah.” She said.

“I’m sorry.” Steve said, patting her shoulder. She flinched at his touch, took off her sunglasses and slipped them into her bag. The following night, Steve had stayed for another hour eating pancakes at Toni’s house while they watched Jersey Shore, making fun of Snooki’s orange tan. “It’s okay. Who told you?”

“Pepper. He told me to beware.” Toni snorted. 

The rest of the day was uneventful. Normal classes, mostly boring. The highlight of Toni’s day was when Thor boomed moaning noises through the cafeteria when he ate his sandwich during lunch. The low point during the day was when she had to sit next to Loki in Advanced Algebra.

When school ended she didn’t even stop at her locker, just grabbed her car keys out of her pocket and headed straight for the parking lot. But, of course, she was interrupted. “Toni!”

She threw her head up, groaned, and turned around, but it wasn’t who she thought it was. It was Joshua Mathers, some jock who was constantly on Toni’s radar. He was nice and funny, but he was kind of obviously into her.

“Hi, Josh.” He walked up to her, trying to look all cool. Besides being hot, Toni wasn’t too sure what was behind his football exterior. She knew he was good in English, because she had it with him, but she didn’t know if there was anything beyond that. You had to be smart to go to SHIELD High School, though, she had to give him that one. Even though it looks like a private school you had to have something going for you if you wanted to attend.

“Hey, so, I heard you broke up with Odinson.” Oh, and there was the whole, Calling-Everyone-By-Their-Last-Name issue. “Yeah, sort of.” She said, looking him right in the eyes and smiling. If Toni was going to be single, she was going to be Toni single. Flirting and sleeping with whoever or whatever she wants. 

“Sucks.” Josh said, smiling back at her. Toni, checking him out, noticed his black-and-yellow Letterman jacket, a tight fitting black t-shirt underneath, jeans and some nice shoes. His hair was all close-shaved, and he had scruff. Toni was usually into people with more hair on their heads, but Josh had these pretty grey eyes to make up for it.

“So, why’d you come over here?” She asked, tapping her nails against her car, looking at him expectantly. 

“Um,” Josh began, “So, you know how there’s no school Thursday or Friday?” he asked.

Toni pretended she knew what he was talking about, and nodded.

“Okay, well I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go out for dinner Wednesday night. Y’know, to get over your old boyfriend.” He smirked at her.

“Sounds like a date,” she said, winking at him. He had her phone number, he’d text her. “See you then. Or tomorrow, we have English.” Toni jumped over the car door of her convertible, landing perfectly in the driver’s seat, started her car, and took off. Out of the rearview window, she saw Josh punching the air in success. 

Of course he was. Anyone would, she was Toni Stark. And maybe single was a good thing. 

…

“Nice tattoo, Stark.” Toni jumped, swirling around to see Steve standing in her lab, again. “Who invited you?” she joked. 

“No one, I just thought you might want to talk.” Steve said, smiling at her.

“Why are you smiling like that?” she asked.

“Because I can’t believe you’re going to dinner with Josh Mathers.” Steve shook his head.

“What?” Toni defended herself, putting a hand on her hip. “Josh’s hot. And, besides, he’s been breathing down my neck to go out with him since the seventh grade. I might as well let him have what he wants once.” 

“You realize he’s going to think that once means, like, forever? And then, once he pulls you into two dates, he’ll think you’re his girlfriend.” Steve said. 

“God, no. If he asks me again, I’ll turn him down. I don’t date guys like Josh Mathers.” Toni snorted.

“What, like Jocks?” Steve asked.

“Like, intellectually challenged.” They both laughed.

They stood in silence for a few minutes. “I’m going to test out the Iron Man suit tomorrow.” 

Steve raised an eyebrow. “You finished it?” 

“It’ll be done by then. Come see.” Steve walked over to the table Toni was working on to see that the entire body of the Iron Man suit had been put together, the helment of it sitting on the chest. “I just have to fix ‘er up a little bit and it’ll be perfect.” 

Steve shook his head. “You really are something else.” Toni smiled. “Thanks, Cap.”

“So, when you said you were going to try it out tomorrow, when? We have school.” Steve asked, looking at her.

“You’ll see.” She replied with a smirk.

…

It was an hour into first period and Toni still hadn’t shown up. Steve wondered if she was sick, but shook the thought away. She’d been fine last night, and he’d stayed at her house until late listening to her gush about her suit. He thought that maybe she might’ve gotten drunk while he was gone, but Pepper had been there. Pepper wouldn’t have let her. 

He was just about to pull out his phone and text her when everyone looked up. Someone was screaming, there were loud crashing noises. The noises got closer, but somehow quieter and slower, and then someone crashed right through the classroom wall. Through the gaping hole, Steve could see that there were holes all through the school through all the classrooms.

When Steve looked down, it was a person in a metal red and gold suit. Toni. Iron Man.

The teacher had retreated the room, screaming. Toni stood up in her suit, cracked her neck back and forth, and then with some whirrs and bright lights, she took off the helment and held it under her right arm. She shook her hair out of the suit, letting it fall to her shoulders. Her lip was bleeding and a bruise was forming on her right cheek. Steve kind of had the urge to go and kiss it all better or something.

Toni looked tired besides that, her hair a little messy, but she was also kind of wide-awake looking. “Steve! Did you see that?!” she suddenly yelled.

“Um, yeah, it was kind of… awesome.” Steve said. Suddenly, they heard Fury yelling down the hallway. “MOTHERFUCKING STARK!” Toni grinned, and put her helment back on.

“I wasn’t here, kay?” she said to the class, who all nodded simultaneously, and then Toni took off and crashed through the roof at least twenty seconds before Fury stormed in. Fury started yelling about how much this would cost and how irresponsible the motherfuckers in this class were. 

Steve had to physically hold back his laughter. 

After class, he was surrounded by everyone.

“Holy shit, did you fucking see that robot dude? That was pimp!” said Claire. 

“Fury is going to be breathing down my neck until that’s repaired.” Agent complained.

“You guys, that was Toni,” said Bryce.

They were all silent for a moment. “Stark fucking built a robot suit?” Claire said, more a statement than question.

“I heard Fury yelling STARK down the hallway, so,” said Bryce. 

“What’s she trying to freaking do?” asked Claire.

“Probably prove something. We all know she knows about the Avengers. She didn’t qualify. At least, not until now that she has a giant robot suit.” Bryce said.

“She calls it Iron Man.” Steve found himself muttering.

“Jesus Christ.” Claire muttered. “we’re all gonna die.”

...  
After crashing her suit twelve layers of walls through SHIELD, Toni was pretty beat up. Her arm hadn’t stopped bleeding for five minutes, there was an ugly bruise on her cheekbone and a spot just above her eyebrow was bleeding from knocking her head around in the helment. But skipping school and trying it out had been worth it. Like she’d told JARVIS the minute she lifted off the floor, Sometimes you gotta run before you can walk.

And now, here she was the next day, cracking her neck. Wednesday, she would return to SHIELD looking better than ever minus the facial injuries. She did her hair perfect and straight, she was wearing an Aerosmith tank top, an oversized jean vest, with shorts and leather boots. She’d covered most of the bruise and cut with makeup. “Pepper?” She called.

Pepper walked into the room. “Yeah?”

Toni smiled at him. “You’re driving.”

..  
When she stepped out of the car, an arm wrapped around her immediately.

“Joshua Mathers.” She said, sliding easily out of his soft grip and sliding her fingers under his chin.

He smiled at her. “I can’t put my arm around you?”

“You’re cute,” she winked. “But we haven’t even been on the first date!” she said innocently, and then someone from her closest circle of friends called her over. She waved him goodbye with her fingers, and then sashayed off.

“You know,” Pepper said from behind him, “that if you pull anything with her you’re screwed.”

“Yeah, whatever dude.” Josh said, rolling his eyes at the skinny little ginger, and then he walked off toward the other guys in his football team.

..  
“You look beautiful,” Josh said for the millionth time that night. Of course Toni looked beautiful, she was a billionaire. If she was born looking like Quasimodo she would’ve still been able to afford pretty. And now she was decked out in a skin-tight red dress and heels, at some expensive restaurant that Josh could afford because he was pretty loaded, too. 

“You look very… handsome.” It was a new word she’d picked out, because the first time she’d replied she’d said she’d looked sexy. Although, Josh had looked better, he was wearing a suit that made his neck look kind of meaty. 

“This is good spaghetti.” Although Toni was mostly drinking her champagne, which was delicious and weirdly strong. 

“Yeah,” Josh said, smiling at her for some reason like they were having a funny conversation. Truthfully, it had been awkward since the drinks had been delivered and Toni had gone to pee.

It was kind of blurry out of the corner of her eyes. She’d only had one drink, but it had been really strong and had gone to her brain rather than her stomach, where it usually went. There was a little bit of a pounding in the back of her head. “Are you okay?” Josh asked her.

“Uh, yeah, I’m just kind of dizzy.” She said.

“Here, you don’t look too hot, I’ll take you home.” Josh slapped a hundred dollar bill on the table- Toni knew the dinner hadn’t cost any more than sixty, the waitress was in for one hell of a tip- and helped her up out of her chair, walking her to the car. She stumbled into the passenger’s seat, and she was really dizzy and she kind of didn’t understand what was going on. 

And then, about a mile away from the place, it all clicked together.

“You drugged me,” she slurred. “You drugged me and now you’re going to rape me,” she was kind of crying.

“You’re smart.” Josh said. Toni whimpered. “Please, please don’t do this, I’ll give you money, I’ll be your arm candy, whatever you want.” 

Josh snorted. “Please, just shut up and don’t claw my eyes out and then you’ll be fine.” 

I barely have fingernails, Toni thought.

Toni waited, and she waited, and eventually he pulled his SUV to the side of the road. And then, she was so far drugged and gone that she couldn’t do anything when he threw her into the back seat and he went back there and he took his pants off and unzipped her dress.

And then it started to happen. But Toni wasn’t in the back of some pedophile’s van anymore, she was back two years ago in Afghanistan. Being horribly assaulted by a bunch of fucking gang bangers, and back when she’d taken two hours to agree to build them what they wanted. 

And when she was back, she was being thrown out of his van with her bag and her dress. She had makeup smeared all down her face, her panties had been ripped off and thrown on the side of the road, and she watched him drive away. And it was really cold, and she grabbed her stuff and tripped her way behind some ugly tree and laid her head in her lap and sobbed. She sobbed until she felt kind of sick, and then she threw up anyway, and she slid her dress on and grabbed her cell phone out of her bag.

It rang three times before he answered. “Hello?” 

“Steve?” her voice sounded terrible.

“Um, yeah. Toni, are you okay? Where are you?” 

She told him that she was in the forest on the side of the road, and that JARVIS would hack into his GPS on his phone and tell him where she was, and when she picked her up to bring his car and not his motorcycle because she wasn’t up for that right now. 

He said okay. 

When Steve found her, Toni got right into his car and turned the heat up as far as it would go without asking. He reached over and picked a leaf out of her hair.

“Toni, what happened?” Steve asked, in his Captain America voice. The one she’d heard when he was yelling at his team mates and she’d been in the background working on some shit experiment. 

And then Toni told him everything, the date and the drugs and the rape and Afghanistan. She told him everything she’d never told anyone before, not even Pepper. Not Obie, before he’d died in the explosion. And it was hard, telling him all this, but she did it anyway.

“Toni,” Steve touched her arm, and she whimpered. And he took her under his arm and let her curl up to his side. And when they drove, she fell asleep curled to his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> po-tay-toes


	7. BAD NEWS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> omg i have bad news about this fic

So awhile ago, my laptop- which contained this entire fic- broke.  
Meaning, of course, that this fic will no longer be updated. I dont think any of you could possibly understand how upset about this I am- that was the longest fic I've ever written, and it was basically long enough to be a book.   
So, I'm considering some things instead of just leaving this here.

I'm considering re-reading the chapters I DO have posted here (It's been awhile since I've written this and I barely remember anything about it) and just re-writing the ending. I wasn't too crazy about how it ended in the first place. Also, come to think of it, it's been a year since I wrote this fic and my writing has improved sufficiently, so I might as well re-write this anyways.

If you're reading this and there's more chapters of this fic, then you can just ignore this chapter and move on.

YEAH WOO

(I also need to re-tag this because jesus fucking christ i knew nothing about fanfiction)

**Author's Note:**

> wow this was sad? sorry for anything weird. i wrote this chapter/fic a really long time ago, and i just now realized i should probably put it on here, so...


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